“Positive anything is better than negative nothing”
Hello my lovelies!
It has been a hot minute since I’ve posted, but I’m here to promise you that I’m back, I’m better than ever, and I have a lot to share with you all. First, I want to start with why I disappeared for such a long period of time. Initially, it was because of my wisdom teeth removal, which left me pretty down and out for a good week and a half. While I wish that was the only reason that I was gone, I also have to admit that I was having a hard time not being in a rut for the past few weeks. I ended up dumping the guy I was dating for reasons I don’t want to discuss, and even before that point, I was just sad more often than I was happy. I’m glad to report that I’m on the road to recovery, I start my classes tomorrow, and I have a newfound motivational spring back in my step.
Just before I was out of commission due to my wisdom teeth surgery, I was lucky enough to be invited by the local DAIS chapter to do makeup for their annual fashion show. I am so humbled and grateful that such an important organization sought me out as an independent artist to be a part of their show, and I am so happy that I was able to have the experience of doing makeup for survivors of domestic abuse, as well as allies.
If you’ve ever met someone from Wisconsin, then you’ll know that we take our Badgers, beer, and cheese very seriously. I’m not much of a football fan myself, but given the opportunity to go to a game with great seats and great company, sign me up. We really were THAT close to the field, and it was a great game to participate in, with many close calls and exciting moments. Plus, time spent with family is always time well spent.
I know, who wears tights with open toed shoes?! I had to work with what I have in order to channel my inner Daphne for Halloween, and I think it turned out really well. It was a great, low key night spent at an hour long haunted house and filled with drinking games after the fact. I definitely felt all of it the next day, but spending time with friends during one of my favorite holidays is completely worth it.
This day was both one of the best days of my life, and one of the hardest. Meeting Joe Biden at a voting rally will definitely go down as one of the highlights of my entire life, but if you’ve been through a breakup, you’ll also understand that the breakup blues SUCK. However, being sad over the loss of companionship wasn’t going to ruin a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, and I am so glad I pulled myself together and went. No man is worth getting in the way of my opportunity to meet Joe Biden and live my best life.
Being in the emotional rut that I was in was hard. It feels isolating, like no one could possibly understand or make you feel better, and even though I’ve been through this time and time again, it feels brand new with each episode. You know logically that it’s not healthy, that you need to ask for help and get better, because life will keep going and you want to be a part of it, but navigating how to ask for help feels like a foreign concept each time. I got lucky with this round. My family came to town to celebrate my aunt’s 50th birthday, and that was the motivation I needed to leave my trench. I spent time loving and appreciating my family, I joined a gym, I started dating again, I sought out my friends more, I reflected on what makes me a person deserving of good things that I work for.
It’s still hard to say and gives me that feeling in my throat like I’m about to cry, but I deserve to be happy, and I deserve to surround myself with people and things that make me happy. I’ve spent way too much of my time justifying why I shouldn’t like myself or my life, and that’s some over baked bullshit cake. Being in a relationship with someone who ultimately was toxic and undeserving of my time is hard to admit, but I’m not going to sit here full of regret over it. That relationship, while failed, taught me a lot about myself. It taught me that I am not without flaws, but I also have so much to offer people in my life and to myself. It taught me that while I may constantly tell myself that I’m not a good person, the evidence shows that I am, because bad people don’t care enough to even given that idea some thought. A good person is willing to grow from their life choices, whether good or bad ones, and ultimately, I am that person. Life is stupid hard and no one gives you a manual for it, but what you choose to do with that life is what determines your happiness, and I’m determined to start being happy.
That’s all I have for you guys today. Please remember to like, comment, and subscribe, it really helps me out. Also don’t forget to have a marvelous Monday!
Disclaimer: I will never edit my pictures in a way that misrepresents my natural weight and body type. Some Links may be affiliate links. All opinions are my own